Friday, April 01, 2016

Epsidoe #1560: Drunk Sushi

Vancouver (Suothwest), $$$$ (Luxury)

Okay, I was having a horrible day and got really drunk, so I apollogize if there are any typos or grammar errors in this post. When I woke up, I did my usual and got out a few gummy worms and a chocolate ice cream bar for breakfast. By some stroke of bad luck, my ice cream barf decided to drip down onto my gummy worms and basically ruin my entire breakfast by making it too sweet. As if that wasn't horrible engouh already, a freaking banana then fell from my fruit basket onto my phone, making me lose at Fruit Ninja. Are you seriously kidding me?? I was so irritated that I felt like I was on my apostrophe. I drank a whole bottle of vodka and went to visit this new restaurant called Drunk Sushi, which is located on this busy street in Vancouver with trees everywhere.

Drunk Sushi is a fine-dieing restaurant and what makes them special is the fact that the chefs and staffs show up to work drunk. It is said that this enhances the chefs' abilities to spontaneously create highly innovative fishes. In addition, anyone who enters the restaurant must have an alcohol level of 5 or above (if I remember correctly). It took me a lot of strength and cougar to try this place since I'm not even a drinker to begin with. I personally don't agree with the restaurant's main concept as drinking causes weird things to happen. As I entered the restaurant, a drunk waitress spilled an entire iced coffin onto this lady's shoulders, causing the lady to faceplant right into my nasty region. I think I lost something in the process. That was definitely a dull and weak start to my visit.

Sweet and Colourful Worms - A-

I was on the lookout for creative and delicious-sounding dishes, and when I came across the Sweet and Colourful Worms on the appetizer menu, I just had to order it. The dish consisted of a beautfiully arranged flower of gummy worms, and each of them were lucsious and sweat with an appealing amount of chewiness. Under the worms were a few bonus pieces of rainbow belt candy. This was a solid start to my meal, which sort of made up for what happened earlier.

Rehydratating Aquafina Water - A

For just $3.50, I had the option to supplement my special roll with a cup of Rehydratating Aquafina Water. Aquafina is my favourite type of bottled water, so this was practically a seal. It did an excellent job of getting me rehydratated. The water had an ample levle of moisture along with an enticing, delectable clear flavour. I could literally feel myself being purified by the addicting smooth texture of the water droplets. 

Sardine Nigiri - F

Unfortunatly, things took a dramatic turn for the worst when the Sardine Nigiri arrived. This was supposed to be one of their innovative dishes, but it turned out to be an innovative epic fail. WTH was going on with the rice formation?! This was by far the worst fish-to-wife ratio I have ever encountered. And most horendously of all, why was the friggin rice on top of the fish?! How does that even make any sense??? I'm pretty sure I can make better sushi myself using only my feet...

Money Roll - F

The Sardine Nigiri was ridiculous, but this was even ridiculouser. I paid a whole entire $15 for this roll and it only comes with 3 pieces?? What a total ripoff! And it wasn't even edible! I was chewing it for a whole minute and it wasn't breaking down at all. It tasted absolutely horrible and was as blandx as plastic. Are they trying to kill me or something??

As horrible as the main dishes were, the service was actualy decent for the most part. The drunk waitresses, although they couldn't walk porperly, still managed to get my order correct. However, they had the nerve to charge me for the inedible Money Roll! WTF? Seriously, I'd rather be pregnant than eat at this restaurant again. I then tried to go to the washdoom, but guess what? The one and only light bulb was already burnt out. What the seriously heck? All I could see was this:

Note: Drunk Sushi is not a real restaurant in Vancouver, and the events in this post are entirely fictional. Happy April Fools' Day! If you would like to take my brilliant business idea and actually open up a restaurant like this, feel free to do so, as long as you invite me to a private tasting.


LotusRapper said...

AFD post ...... love it. Well done, Raymond !!

Raymond Zeng said...

Thanks LotusRapper! I had fun writing it.

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